Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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