Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
