ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
