Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
