Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
