Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
