I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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