he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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