worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
