they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
