it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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