Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
