My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's just like the Real World with babies
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
