yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Two words: nipple clamps
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