I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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