if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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