I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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