You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
