things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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