Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
