I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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