I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
