Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
