god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
