When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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