I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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