I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think my tv is drunk
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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