y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
