Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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