like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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