They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
