love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
