I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
