Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
