end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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