I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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