I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
