Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wear drunk well.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
