He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
