took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
