cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
