This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am available for nakedness
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
