some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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