We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize