alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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