All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
