There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize