I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
