I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
only you would photoshop your dick
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
