he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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