you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
