I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
