there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
