He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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