If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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