well I can't set my house on fire every night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
