Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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