She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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