I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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