Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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