I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
