im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
