i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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