tell your sister to shave her snatch
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure