Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off