We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.