4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.