i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
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Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?