the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging