why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won